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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

From Emily Nagoski, PhD, bestselling author of Come as You Are and co-author of Burnout, comes an insightful guide that clarifies how to nurture a fulfilling sex life in a long-term relationship.

“Emily Nagoski is a national treasure—helping us all understand how to finally build true, joyful, confident sex lives.” — Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed

In her groundbreaking earlier work, Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski transformed how we understand female sexuality. Now, in Come Together, she tackles an issue that commonly confuses and frustrates people: maintaining satisfying intimacy in a committed long-term partnership.

Most people experience challenges at some point in keeping a vibrant sexual connection alive with spouses or partners. Unfortunately, the typical advice offered on this topic often isn’t very helpful or accurate. Nagoski confronts the myths we’ve internalized about sex—particularly the idea that desire and satisfaction peak early in relationships and inevitably decline over time. As Nagoski makes clear, this simply is not true.

Instead, Come Together focuses on a key insight: the quality of your sex life isn’t measured simply by how often you have sex or how frequently you’re “in the mood;” it actually hinges on how genuinely good you feel about the experiences you’re sharing. Nagoski breaks down the barriers that frequently hold us back from deeper sexual satisfaction—such as stress, body-image concerns, relationship conflicts, and problematic gender expectations around how sex “should” look—and provides clear solutions to help us move beyond these challenges.

In Come Together, you’ll discover:

– Why striving for “spontaneous desire” isn’t the path toward lasting sexual satisfaction, and what type of desire truly matters for sustained intimacy.
– How to openly communicate with your partner about creating conditions to foster desire, along with advice on not taking it personally when desire seems hard to find.
– The concept of each partner’s individual “emotional floorplan,” which serves as a personalized guide for navigating feelings and effectively reaching a comfortable, appealing state of mind in your relationship.

Backed by rigorous science, humor, and genuine compassion, Nagoski reveals how great, enduring sex actually occurs, how to invite that experience into your own relationship, and how to effectively manage inevitable difficulties when they arise.